Middle of Nowhere
by Naidoo
Summary: When Penelope finds out that Derek Morgan has lied to her for the first time during their long friendship, she comes close to cut all ties once and for all. Spoilers for S5 throughout.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: so... this is something new. Inspired by KricketWilliams, who said that I can write both - angst and team interactions - something I always thought I am totally going to suck at. This is the end result. This is pretty, pretty angsty for a while until it gets all better. _

* * *

Of all the times they could have asked her to go with them, this was probably the worst. Of all the places the team had ever gone to this topped the list as 'most inconvenient'.

When Hotch came to her that morning, telling her they would need her to go with them this time, Penelope was first of all excited about the prospect. She didn't leave her lair often enough and liked field trips with the team. Just seconds later however that joy and excitement was overshadowed by doubt and anger.

"Where are we heading to?" she asked.

"Alaska," came as an answer from Hotch and with that he left.

Penelope had to swallow a few times at the prospects ahead. Alaska. With Derek Morgan. Could it get _any_ worse?

She hadn't really talked to him for a few weeks now. Of course they had their chitchat over the phone whenever he called in regards of information in a case, but it always remained at that. She had cut off all flirting, all lightness and anything else that would give him any feeling of the phone call being anything else but business.

At the beginning she noticed that he had tried to ask about what was going on with her but when he didn't succeed in getting any answers out of her he had become cranky, followed by her receiving less and less phone calls from him, and more and more calls from the rest of the team in regards to getting information during cases.

She had managed to keep him at distance now for a good four weeks, succeeding in avoiding him, but still holding up the professionalism. Until now. When she had to go to Alaska. With him in tow.

Penelope let out a silent groan and let her head fall forwards to hit her desk, letting out a frustrated sigh asshe realized there was nothing to do but get through this the best she could. It wouldn't be easy though.

This is what she got for always asking to travel with the team more.

The plane ride was anything but fun, with her sitting on end of the plane and him on the other. She had watched a few times how he moved, looked like he was coming towards her, probably a last attempt on finding out what her problem had been lately. But he always decided last minute against it. She figured with them being on a plane, where everyone around could hear them he decided there were better places to have this conversation.

She heard the team briefing. About the guy and his victims. Heard theories being thrown into the room and being discussed and dismissed. She was had been with them by now on enough cases to know they were not expecting her input in any of this. Her function was more to give them the support they desperately needed on location. She listened to what they knew about the victims, what had happened to them and possible Unsubs. Hearing the gory details of the crimes they were investigating was always her least favorite part of her job. It was already enough for her to see pictures of the crimes, but having to hear explicit details?

It was almost more than she could bear sometimes.

Arriving at the station, it became clear to Penelope rather soon that Hotch hadn't asked her to come with them due to equipment issues. They had a state of the art equipment and people probably at least as good as her to work with it. Not that she would ever admit that there were people who were at least as good as her.

"Um … sir, not that I'm not … um grateful for the opportunity to come with you, but what exactly are you expecting from me? Since the people here seem to have it under control… and do a pretty good job."

Aaron Hotchner turned around, looking at his technical analyst with a quizzical expression all over his face. He stood there for a moment, not saying anything, just looking at Penelope, which made her slightly nervous.

"Actually, I didn't ask you to come with us because of the technical equipment or support on these, but because we might need your expertise on site," he explained to her finally.

"You need me … _in_ the field?" she asked, swallowing slightly. She never really been _in_ the field before. Never been on a crime scene. She had always been in safety, a phone call away, behind her screens in her lair back at Quantico. Where she didn't need to see real blood, real and alive witnesses and victims or crime scenes and the dead bodies that were at them.

She had always been kept away from the actual field work and Penelope Garcia definitely had no intention of changing that anytime soon.

"You have any problems with that?" Hotchner asked her, and Penelope wasn't sure whether she heard worry in his voice.

She answered quickly. "Sir, it's just that I have never really been … um …on a scene, so to speak," she continued nervously.

"No worry, I'll send Morgan with you."

Those words were probably worse than the thought of being at a crime scene itself.

Although she wouldn't have thought so this morning she had to admit now that there had been a way this whole situation _could_ get worse. And it had just happened.


	2. end of an era?

_A/N: I swear this is as bad as it gets, but it won't get any better soon either. LOL_

* * *

"Garcia, are you alright?" She heard the voice of Hotch now for the second time already.

Apparently her face must have expressed what she thought. Pure terror.

"If this is so bad, we can leave it as it is. I'm sure we can find something else for you to do," he offered,

"Why can't someone else do it?" she asked. Okay, she thought, maybe arguing with your boss might not be the best idea but the thought of going into the feild had her just about shaking.

"Our Unsub uses a pretty advanced locking mechanism. We need to get into his computers to get into this UNSUB's mind in order to catch him. I know what these guys here can do. However, I trust you more, and know you can do it in half the time. And time is something we can't afford to lose right now."

She just nodded, understanding his arguments. They needed results and answers, and they needed them fast. Penelope had to lay her issues with Morgan to rest for the moment. However, it didn't mean she had to talk to him though.

"Morgan and Reid are on their way back from the latest victim. They should be back here in a short while," Hotch said. "As soon as they arrive, you can start with Morgan to the house of Nathan Hilson, and try to get whatever you can that helps us to understand him better."

As if on cue she saw Morgan and Reid walking into the station.

She watched as Hotch walked over to Morgan and Reid, then talked quickly to Derek. Morgan looked at his boss in disbelief for a moment, than at her, then back at Hotch. He looked like he wasn't happy with the idea of this either.

'_At least that's something,' _Penelope thought to herself.

Ten minutes later, she was in the car next to Morgan.

Another 30 minutes later, they made it to the house of Nathan Hilson. To say the car ride was anything other than awkward would have been an understatement. Penelope had been desperate to look anywhere _but_ at Derek, not having the least bit of communication of any sort. She knew it was stupid, but she was still so angry, even after the four weeks. Judging by the expression on Morgan's face when they left the car, he was somewhere between irritated and angry with this all. He probably didn't understand the change in her behavior over the last couple of weeks.

The three hours they spent at the house, she tried to stay away from him as much as possible. The more distance she had, the better for her and for him. It seemed like he got her idea, since she didn't see or hear anything from him for most of the time. She managed to get into Hilson's computer and wasn't sure what disturbed her more: the images she saw of victims and possible future ones, or the in depth and very detailed notes of previous crimes. It was hard to look at the pictures, to read the texts, and for a moment, she found herself regretting treating Morgan like that. She need him by her side right now pretty badly just to hold her hand, tell her it would be okay.

He could do _anything_ to make her feel she wasn't alone in this, that these are just pictures for the moment. He had a gift like that, talking her out of the fear, the anger, the disgust. However, she couldn't ask for him. She had reason to behave like she did. She couldn't just turn around after four weeks, pretend they would be okay again, just so she could get through these hours of digging, finding and discovering details and new truths about their Unsub.

Penelope called Hotch, telling him everything she could find out from the files on his computer and sending them copies to their sets.

A few minutes later she was on her way out, hoping that Morgan would be around somewhere, so she didn't need to actually search for him. As if on cue yet again, she ran into him downstairs in the living room, looking at all sort of pictures by the wall, and holding several papers in his hand.

"Ready to go?" She heard him asking, once he realized she was in the room.

Penelope just nodded, turning towards the door and started walking. No need for words if she didn't really have to.

"Penelope," she heard him suddenly calling after her.

She stopped, taking a breath and turned around, looking at him expectantly. There was no way she would start this. She just looked at him, remaining silent. Whatever he wanted, it didn't matter, but she depended on him for the ride back into town.

When there still was no answer, and Penelope kept looking, or rather glaring, at Derek, he decided she wanted for him to say something. What got her so angry in the first place?

"Whatever I did, whatever it was that upset you so much… I am sorry," he started.

Penelope just rolled her eyes, annoyed at him, turning around, and walking towards the door. She definitely wouldn't stick around for that. She could waste her time better. Way better.

"Penelope, wait," she heard Derek again.

She didn't stop this time.

"Baby girl." He was right behind her; and she could feel a hand resting on her shoulder.

That got her to stop and turn around, looking at him in anger. "You lost every right to call me that ever again. Don't you ever touch me again," she snarled at him. He looked at her with wide eyes, removed his hand and took a step back in shock.

"I … I … what did I do? Please, maybe whatever I did was just some ..." he started.

Penelope actually had to laugh about the irony. All these years she had known Derek Morgan, all the facades she had seen from him; this was something she had never witnessed.

He was clueless, defenseless and helpless. For a moment it actually seemed quite adorable.

"You lied to me," was all she said.

As if that was supposed to explain everything.

Looking at her opponent's quizzical expression, she knew it didn't.

"I'm sorry for whatever I lied to you about," he offered and she knew he was really trying. She also knew he didn't really mean it, either, due to the fact that he didn't know what he had lied to her about.

"I … you know, you were the only person ever that had never lied to me about anything. Even Hotch lies to me occasionally; when he tells me it all looks worse than it actually is, or something like that to make me feel better. But you? You have always told it to me straight. Never any of that crap!" She was nearly yelled at him, the fire in her eyes lighting more and more.

She was in rage and Morgan had never seen her like that before. This already had 'disaster' written all over it. Morgan still didn't even know what it was he had lied to her about. As far as he was concerned he had always told her the truth. Always.

"I hope she is worth it, worth lying to me about her. Because right now, Morgan? Right now I don't know who you are," she hissed and walked a few steps away from him, looking as if she feared she might get infected with some contagious disease. "I really hope Tamara Barnes is worth all _this."_

He didn't say a word but she was on a roll by then so she kept going_._

"You know, after that crappy defense, the 'make-you-feel-bad' speech of yours, saying you are not involved and you wouldn't cross that line, she just lost it at the station and you were just bringing her home speech?" She glared at him. "I really bought that. I felt really bad for actually implying it in the first place. You actually seemed offended. I felt sorry and bad for a week.

She looked hurt, but it only lasted a second. "After I showed you your new office, and I left, I heard you asking her out for drinks. I heard you talking on the phone. Can you imagine how stupid I felt when I realized who you were talking to? I felt so … naïve, stupid, dumb and … and worthless, knowing you'd rather lie to me than..." She threw her hands up in disgust. "You know what? It's not even worth it anymore…"

"Baby Gi-"

"I said to not call me that again," she said, now calm, after she'd to realize that she didn't have the energy to yell and be mad and angry. She hoped calm and distant worked as good.

"But, I …"

"Call her that. Call her Baby Girl, and Goddess and Princess and whatever crap you came up with over the years; it clearly doesn't mean anything at all. These were just words, to … to what end, Derek? Get you what you want? Have a bit of fun? I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted…" she finally said, looking at him hoping he wouldn't even think about giving her his opinion on this. She should have known better.

"Now, wait a minute there, Baby Girl, " he started, getting ready for giving her a piece of his mind.

When she took a few steps towards him and he knew – or at least thought – he had her attention, but looking at her, in her eyes, all he could see was anger. The fire in her eyes just getting stronger with each step towards him, and the rage getting more and more.

Two more steps and she was standing in front of him. Next thing he felt, was her hand, slapping him hard across the face and grabbing the car keys out of his hand, walking back again.

"I told you to never call me that again," was all that came from her.

Morgan was too paralyzed about what just happened to react any faster. When he came to his senses, he only could see her leaving the premises in the black SUV so quickly, it raised dusk, leaving him there all alone, abandoned and in complete shock of what just happened.


	3. out in the open

_A/N: It'll get better, honestly. Maybe not at the speed people hope for, but we get there... I also dedicate this chapter to kathy0518 and dothepepperminttwist, who can both learn a valuable lesson in regards of patience with this story.  
_

* * *

Morgan stood there in the yard of the house trying his best to understand what just happened. For a moment he actually felt lost, which was a whole new experience for him. Usually he had control and power over situations. He certainly hadn't felt lost for years.

He'd never seen Penelope the way he had seen her in the last few minutes, before she took off leaving him there all on his own. She was in such rage and so angry that he wondered how he would ever make things up to her again. She didn't even let him speak.

Morgan could still feel his skin burn from the slap she had given him. And that was something new as well for him. Never before had a woman slapped him in the face. People would probably assume he had experienced that at some point, with all his conquests, and flirting and weekly girlfriends.

He let out a long sigh, sitting down on the porch steps and got his phone, dialing for a cab to pick him up.

He was angry, of course he was, she didn't even let him say anything. Interrupted him every time he started to say something and then had the nerve to drive off, leaving him back here. No, scratch that. He wasn't angry, he was pissed. Pissed at her, for acting like that and leaving him here. Pissed at the whole situation in general. But most important he was pissed at himself, for being so stupid and lying to her in the first place.

Penelope was still so furious that she hardly was able to drive within the speed limit.

She hadn't meant to slap him in the face, to say half these things she said and to act the way she did, but when he wanted to start his excuses and trying to use his charm to twist her around his little finger, she had lost it. For the first time in their years long close friendship she had yelled at him and they had a fight so big that she found herself wondering if this could ever be fixed again.

Right now, she didn't think so. The deep mistrust he'd shown her, the feelings he had brought up in her with his behavior was something she hoped she never had to feel again.

When she made it back to the station, Penelope knew it must look weird to the others. And just within seconds Hotch asked where Morgan was.

She turned towards him, telling him she dropped him off at some of the stores, he needed to get a few things done. Right now she didn't really care what Morgan would tell them when he eventually made it back here. If he made it back here. And this was the moment when it hit her what she just did.

She had left her best friend all on his own in the middle of nowhere.

She just wanted to be alone, be away from all of this, and didn't want anyone to know what had happened. But when JJ and Emily came after her, she could already hear it in the way they walked, that they were on to her. Not now. Anytime they could ask her anything, but not now.

Apparently Hotch must have noticed something as well, because when she was about to pack her mobile station up, she saw all three of them standing in front of her, with Reid and Rossi subtle in the background a couple of feet away, pretending they were reading some files or looking for something else.

"_Great. Attention,_" she thought to herself. "_The last thing I want and need right now."_

"Are you alright, Penelope?" JJ asked first.

"Did anything happen?" was Emily's question.

Looking at Hotch, waiting if he would throw a question at her as well, Penelope didn't answer right away.

But Hotch remained silent, just looking at her, as if he had already found the root of it all.

Penelope looked at him, waiting to say something, for anyone to say something really. The moment Emily wanted to speak, she saw Morgan walk into the station. Sooner than she would have thought. The team must have noticed from her look that something had happened and turned around, seeing Morgan now as well. Hotch left them and walked towards him, speaking to him briefly. She saw nodding, Morgan talking a lot and Hotch just nodding as well.

Oh boy, was she in trouble. How on Earth would she explain her actions to any of them? How could she say anything that didn't make her sound like an absolute fool and not get him in trouble at the same time?

Yes, he had lied to her, but that was no reason for her to ruin anything in regards of his job. She knew when Hotch or Strauss would find out about him being involved with Tamara Barnes, there would be consequences for him. No, she didn't want that. It might be bad but it was something that was between the two of them, something personal, not something the rest of the team should get pulled into.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she heard JJ asking, her voice thick with concern.

"I'm fine, I just … had a rough day," she explained, hoping they would buy it. Because right now she definitely didn't want to talk about it.

They didn't like her answer, judging by their faces, but let it go for the moment, not pushing it any further.

"You know who to come to if you need to talk, right?" she heard JJ say and Penelope just nodded.

Hotch never came over to her, never demanded any explanation of what she did and why. As a matter of fact, of what she had heard when standing closer to Morgan and Rossi earlier, packing up her computers, it seemed to her as if Morgan actually backed her story up.

On the plane it was the same situation as before. Morgan on one end, her on the other, and in between the rest of the team. Halfway through the flight everyone was deep asleep, everyone apart from Penelope, who was wide awake and wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. Her mind was running a thousand, if not even a million miles a second and wasn't going to stop anytime soon


	4. back to the old routines

_A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful and amazing reviews, for the alerts and fav's. It means a lot to me, especially since this is a category I usually never get into as a writer. I love my fluff and love. But some stories just beg to be told. I know that Penelope's behaviour seems rather over-the-top and I'm fully aware of these opinions, it is just when someone really badly hurts and disappoints you all rational thinking usually just ... stops. And I promise, we will move to a better place soon, starting slightly with the next chapter. Just... keep hanging in there, nothing is lost. I swear.  
_

* * *

If the last weeks before the case in Alaska had been awkward, the weeks following that case were unbearable to stand. Morgan seemed to be all of a sudden everywhere. But she cut contact to him completely. Never in her life had she been so disappointed in anyone. Never.

She was used to people holding back upsetting things from her sometimes, keeping things secret to protect their own image or even lying. But Morgan?

Morgan was the one person she could trust to tell her things the way they were, without the niceness of sparing her feelings. He was the one person who was always supposed to tell her everything about himself. Even if it was about the chick he had in his bed the night before. If she'd ask, he'd answer. Always. And always truthfully.

So having him tell her he wasn't involved with Tamara Barnes and then finding out, by accident, that he was felt like a slap in her face. A slap that left a big, black bruise even weeks after it happened.

She knew she was right. She knew that when she confronted him originally a week before she found out, she didn't have any right to interfere with it, but he was her friend. He once told her that he valued her opinion more than anyone else's. That gave her confidence and she had thought it would be okay to tell him her concerns. Make him aware of what she thought about it, what she had seen or heard.

But he hadn't wanted to hear it. And the way he talked to her- his tone filled with hurt and on the defensive- had made her feel guilty. Maybe she _had_ crossed the boundaries. It wasn't her place after all to run his life. To tell him what to do and what not to do. But she just wanted the best for him. Just wanted to make sure he wouldn't end up with someone he wasn't prepared to end up with.

She knew how people like Tamara were, what they needed and wanted. She knew so perfectly well, not only because she did counseling for families who had suffered a similar fate like Tamara had but also because she had been there as well, once. Nearly 15 years ago, when her parents were taken away from her by a drunken driver. Back then she would have been grateful for a Derek Morgan, who would take the pain away a little bit, and make the world seem a better place by just being by your side, flashing his trademark grin.

She wasn't foolish or dumb. She knew that people tended to always lie to you about anything. For really important, bad things in order to save themselves to the small, unimportant things to make someone else feel good. But not Derek. Derek Morgan was the only true, honest and good person left in her world. At least for Penelope. He had other ways of making you feel good, ways for which he didn't have to lie to you about.

And as the weeks continued and the team was in and out of the BAU, always flying towards the next villain- _always trying_ to stop another unsub from doing what he or she was doing- it didn't get much better. She was aware that her behavior was not the most grown-up way to act but she was hurt. Penelope simple needed some time to lick her wounds.

She was not only disappointed in Derek's actions but also worried that their friendship was forever lost now. It made her distracted. She knew that the team must have noticed by now as well.

Morgan never called her anymore. He had tried a handful of times since Alaska but when Penelope refused to banter back and forth with him he simply gave up calling her and let other team members take over that task. She was glad for it. Those few calls had been painful to get through for her. All personal remarks, comments and questions he had slipped into the conversations she had ignored, giving him only the facts he was inquiring about in the first place.

It didn't take long for him to understand that no matter what he tried, she would shut herself down, not letting him in and not even giving him the slightest chance of explaining himself. But, then again, what was there to explain?

Penelope had told him originally what a bad idea this would be, what this could do to Tamara or him, what this could do to the case. But when she said it, he was so fed up with everything and everyone always telling him what to do and not. Strauss did that all day long, Hotch did for a long time as well, same for Gideon and when Rossi originally joined, he tried that once or twice as well. Now, he was the acting Unit chief, people shouldn't tell him anymore what to do, he should tell them.

He of course noticed the looks and expressions from JJ and Emily, who seemed to notice right away that something was going on between Garcia and him. But it wasn't like he could tell them the actual reasons, knowing that Penelope had been right all along. If this case would make trial and he had to testify a relationship with the victim's family member was the first thing that could destroy this type of case, your credibility and, in the end, the family for you screwing up the case.

And of course it had to happen like that. The first time in years that he feels something for someone – apart from his Baby Girl – and it had to be the victim's sister. Morgan groaned, resting his head in his hands and wondering when life exactly had become so complicated.

It were situations like these that would make him usually call Penelope. She was the one he could talk to about everything and everyone, complain, let it all out and then feel better afterwards. No matter what the time, no matter how long it would take. She was always there and had been there for the past six years. It was hard for him to accept that this maybe wasn't the case any longer and that he might have lost her forever. And although she was 'just' a friend, his best friend, confidant and his accessory in crime, it felt like he just lost so much more. Like he had lost himself.


	5. definition of Ugly

_A/N: I don't like Tamara. At all. And I haven't even seen the episode with her in it really. I guess this chapter somehow shows what I think of her. Thank you all so much for the continuing support and reviews, alerts and fav'ing. Have to be honest... I kinda miss my home turf of fluff and fun, where no one was crying because of me.  
_

* * *

It had been a few longs weeks for Morgan. The cases, the Unsubs, Garcia. It all was not as easy right now as it used to be. Not that he compared Penelope to a case or even their Unsubs. Hell no.

Just … the whole situation wasn't making anything better right now. To make it all a little more stressful, JJ and Emily had decided to drop the subtle routine and now were being flat out blunt with their questions about what his problem was these days. Every day they asked several times what the issue was between him and Penelope- why he never called her anymore, why they didn't flirt, they didn't even talk.

"You know, you haven't been yourself lately. Don't get me wrong but something is missing, something big. Something that made you … different," Emily phrased it cautiously.

JJ's approach was more direct.

"Okay, whatever has been going on between you and her, that has to stop, seriously. How long do you two want to keep this up? Keep up sending Emily, Hotch and Rossi for calling for information while you sit in the background, waiting that someone drops your name during the conversation. That's ridiculous Morgan. Whatever it is you did, fix it," JJ demanded, which left Morgan speechless for a moment.

"What makes you think I did something?" he asked defensively. And the look he received from JJ told him everything.

"Are you honestly telling me Garcia did something to you, which results in her acting now all ice-queen around you?" Rossi suddenly joined the conversation.

_**Great. **_Now they were all ganging up against him.

"I didn't do … anything," he said but even he himself wouldn't have believed that answer.

Everyone on the plane looked at each other. JJ and Emily rolledtheir eyes. Rossi just shook his head slightly. Even Hotch looked at him, not sure what to say, but remained silent.

When everyone on the plane was asleep, he noticed Hotch coming over, looking at him with a stern expression and sitting down in the seat opposite of him. He looked at Morgan for a few moments, saying nothing, and making Morgan rather nervous. And then Morgan heard his boss speak, in a low voice, making sure no one else would hear in case they weren't the only ones awake.

"For six years you have basically been glued to your phone the moment we had to leave Quantico. When it was about getting information from Penelope you were the first to inform that you would call Garcia, not even giving any of us a chance to respond, before you had her already on the phone. You drove us nuts with all the innuendos and 'promises', teasing, name calling and endearments. No matter how bad a case had been, no matter how down you were after one call to Penelope you were once again ready to run another million miles. Are you going to sit there, look at me and tell me that you want to throw whatever you two had going on away over _anything_? Because I can't think of one thing that could have happened that would be worth letting her slip out of your life without a fight."

Those words shocked Morgan. Hotch apparently had been paying more attention over the years than he would have thought. Not that Hotch wasn't usually paying attention, but he would have assumed he would have called him on it at some stage if he had known. Apparently he was wrong.

Hotch was right. Penelope had been the most important person for him in the last couple of years. She was always just a phone call away, no matter what hour or day, and she always would make things better. Somehow. With a word, a gesture or just by being _there_.

When he made it home that night, he was in desperate need to talk to someone about this. Penelope had always been the first to contact for things that bothered him, but given she wasn't talking to him and this was actually about her he couldn't turn to her. Not this time. And he didn't have anyone else to turn to. It was this moment that he realized how important Penelope really had been over the years and what huge space she held in his life.

Making it through the front door of his house, it took him just a short moment deciding he needed to speak to _someone_ about this, and the first and only name that came to his mind was … Tamara Barnes. So a few seconds later, he was back out of the door and on his way over to her place.

She offered him a glass of wine, which he declined, knowing alcohol wouldn't help him and once he started drinking and then talking he would eventually drink more, which would result in him staying the night. And that meant he had to drive more than twice as long to work tomorrow morning, also getting a fresh set of clothes on his way to the office. All of that weren't things he was too keen on doing at the present moment.

"So your friend doesn't talk to you anymore? And? What's the deal? Just find yourself new friends…" was her reaction and solution, once he told her what had been going on lately.

"Replace her?" Morgan asked in shock. That was something that definitely would never happen. He couldn't replace his Baby Girl. She was one of a kind and his most important confidant. Before all of this happened of course.

"Yeah, I don't see why this seems to shock you so much. Just … find someone else. Isn't that hard. If she doesn't appreciate what she has with you, tough luck. Next on the list…"

"Next on the list?" he asked, looking at her in disbelief. Okay they had their issues right now, but … the way Tamara just spoke like she was a _thing_ that could be exchanged, replaced and thrown away whenever convenient, was definitely bugging Derek.

"You and her were way too close anyway. I mean, not that I would have seen much of that, since you seem to be on the rocks since a while now, but still. Who calls a friend 'hot stuff' anyway? So unprofessional. She probably wanted more from you. Be glad you got rid of that baggage. She's something you certainly don't need." Tamara decided on explaining, which didn't go down well with Morgan.

"Hold up there for a moment, okay? You are speaking about my best friend here…."

"Oh now she is your best friend again? Wasn't she just a moment ago a problem?"

"No, I said we _have_ problems, not that she _is_ the problem," Morgan corrected her, at which Tamara just rolled her eyes.

"Don't take things so … literal. She was all over you anyway. And we all know how that would have ended. I mean can you imagine? You and her? Not that it would have _ever_ happen. But just imagine," she smiled at him, and Morgan wasn't sure what she thought was so funny about that.

"What's so hard to imagine with it, huh?"

"Are you serious?" Tamara asked, looking at him dumbfounded, as if it was so obvious. "I mean … look at her. She's …, " Tamara started, and instead of saying it just made a weird hand movements, looking like she was forming half eights in the air. And it took Morgan a moment to understand what she was _not_ saying.

"Okay, Penelope is curvy, so what? It looks good on her," he answered honestly, getting another look from Tamara.

"Curvy? You serious? Curvy is rather nice way to put it, don't you think? This woman is plain and simply fat. And that doesn't look attractive. Maybe someone should tell her to lose a few. Maybe not just a _few _either."

"Stop it, Tamara. This is … completely unreasonable and stupid. Personally I think she is actually rather attractive. And I can't believe we're having a conversation like this. All I needed was someone to talk to about the things that had transpired lately between her and me. I definitely didn't come here so that you could jump at the first sign of issues on this whole weight issue or whatever."

"I just gave you my opinion…" she snarled.

"An opinion that has nothing to do with the actual issue. What is it doing for me that you think she is curvy, or more, when my main problem lays with her being mad and angry at me?"

"Maybe she is just jealous?"

"Why should she be jealous?" Morgan asked, getting rather confused. Of course he couldn't tell Tamara the actual reason she was mad at him. That would only lead to him explaining the whole situation, which would eventually lead to him telling her what Penelope had said about a relationship between him and Tamara and probably would then lead to Tamara coming up with even stranger answers. Like he should quit his job if his job meant they shouldn't be together. It was becoming rather clear she just didn't understand the big picture when it came to his life and how he lived it. She couldn't see what was most important if she couldn't see that his best friend mattered.

"Why should she be jealous?" Tamara repeated back, as if Morgan's words were idiotic. "Come on now. Isn't it pretty obvious?"

"Not to me."

"She's jealous of me, of course," Tamara answered, matter of factly.

Of course. When wasn't the world spinning around Tamara Barnes? In the beginning he didn't really mind. She had just lost her brother. That sort of behavior could be expected. Now it had been over two months ago, she was still acting as if she was the center of everything. And slowly Morgan started getting fed up with this behavior.

"Come again?" Morgan asked.

"Well she is probably jealous of me. Looking like this," Tamara started explaining, letting her hands go up and down her body, "and me having you," she said, pointing towards Morgan, as if she assumed he might not know who she meant with 'you', "and my life in general."

"You lost your brother a few months back. I can't really imagine she would be jealous of that. And there is no reason for her to be jealous _at all_," he explained, just realizing something.

Tamara was definitely not the answer to anything in his life. What had he been thinking to begin with?

Morgan got up from where he was sitting, and he could see in Tamara's face she knew this was it. The official end of whatever they had. It just needed to be said out loud.

"You choosing her over me?" she asked. "You haven't spoke to her in over two months, Derek," Tamara stated.

"Yes, maybe, but that doesn't give you the right to talk about her like that. And to be honest the only ugly person in this room is you, for a character like yours. And the idea that someone needs to look like you to be beautiful is just … dumb and ignorant. "

And with that he got up, left and would never see Tamara again.

Leaving her home it hit him. He had no one left. No Girlfriend. No best Friend. He had lied to one about the other and was realizing now that it hadn't even been worth it.


	6. Force of Nature

_A/N: Told you it would get better. And better starts now. Well, at least kind of. =)  
_

* * *

The moment she saw him walk in she knew something was wrong. As always. For her it only took one look at him to see when he was upset or when he was trying to fake good mood to not get questions asked. It took all her willpower she had to not run over and make sure he really was okay and ask what the problem was. She couldn't. Not anymore. They hadn't spoken a friendly word in months, due to her reactions to his actions. And now she found herself wondering whether she wasn't reacting a little over the top. But then again he did hurt her, emotionally, when he lied to her about being involved with Tamara Barnes.

She was just getting a refill of coffee when she saw him walking in. She lingered at her spot a while longer, staring at him, his misery and the pain he seemed to be in. Derek Morgan was like an open book to her after more than six years. She could read him so easily still. Even if they hadn't really talked for such a long time she still had no problems knowing when something bad had happened to him.

His eyes raised and, from the other end of the office, his gaze focused on her. It felt a bit like the old days. She saw a little strained smile come onto his lips.

Taking her coffee cup she turned on her heels and headed back to her lair, not responding to him in any way – verbal or non-verbal. She nearly ran the last few feet into her office. It was the only place she felt safe anymore and where she knew that she could hide. Penelope felt the armor of her resistance and inner pain slowly crumble, giving in.

She saw Morgan throughout the day several times more but still neither of them moved towards the other one. They kept to their safe distances from each other- or more like Penelope did. After all she was the one who was refusing to cross the line she had drawn between them.

The weeks went on and nothing changed. Until one day, when Hotch came to her, requesting they would need her on a case with them.

"Wheels up in thirty," she heard him say when he was on his way to leave the office again.

"Where are we heading to?" she asked, noticing that it hadn't been mentioned yet.

"Maine."

And why was it that every time she was asked to join them on a case in the field, they headed to cold, frosty, snowy parts of the country. Why not Hawaii or California for once? Or Texas?

The weather in Maine was anything else than warm. But what would you expect in the middle of January? With temperatures that seemed to drop every minute and snow walls that seemed to get higher with every mile they drove from the airport to the station Penelope wondered how long it would take for them to end up snowed in here.

After two days of Penelope speaking more often to the team than actually seeing them the case was more or less wrapped up. Their psycho of the week was caught and they could start their journey home anytime now, Penelope thought, happy about the prospects of getting out of her computer chair again. Maybe the feeling in her feet and hands would come back again soon.

"Garcia, I need you to go back to the house. We need some files from his computer that apparently are rather crucial for the case to stand trial and his computer is locked by several pretty sophisticated looking systems…" she heard Hotch saying, the moment they made it back to the station.

'_So much for going back home.'_

"Nothing is more sophisticated than _my_ systems. Give me an hour with his systems max and I'm in," she smiled at him, getting a return smile from Emily.

"Good," she heard Hotch say and made her way towards the exit of the station. "Take Morgan with you, that way you get done quicker."

At that Penelope turned around. She was well able to drive a car all by herself, and how things should go quicker with Morgan she didn't understand either. If anything it would only take longer. After all he had no idea of how to hack an account.

The hour it took to make it to the house was spent silent, with Penelope feeling like Morgan didn't want to be there as much as she herself.

When they finally made it to the house, Penelope was grateful that Morgan apparently decided on going someplace else than she. After all she didn't need him looking over her shoulder all the time and probably also commenting on her every move.

She was able to hack the computer quickly but copying the whole hard drive took forever. Once done she realized she could also have taken the whole computer with her, but due to all the things going on in her life lately didn't even get the idea until it was too late.

Making her way around the house to look for Morgan in order to tell him that she was ready and all set so they could make their way back to the city she realized that it had gotten dark by now.

"I'm all done, ready when you are," she said, when she finally found him in the kitchen.

He just shrugged at her and started walking towards the front door, coming back only a moment later.

"What?" she asked, when she saw the rather strange expression on his face.

"We are snowed in. It seems like it has snowed like hell the past couple of hours. There is no way that we can make it back to the city tonight…" he stated.

Oh hell. Now this was the last thing she needed to happen tonight. Being snowed in with Morgan. In a house in the middle of nowhere in Maine.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, more to herself than Morgan, hoping nevertheless he would just smile and they could go.

"No, and judging by how heavy it still is snowing I wouldn't even take the chance of driving back. I guess we need to stay here for the night."

Right then the headache she had been nursing all day long got a whole lot worse.


	7. Finding their way back

_A/N: There actually are no words that can say how majorly shocked and suprised I'm about the success of this story. I personal will probably stay away from writting really angsty fics in the future, despite some people actually commenting that I am not as bad as I say. I am home with fluff and explicits and love and not really the queen of Drama and Angst,. That remains to be - at least in my own opinion - KricketWilliams - who challenged me to this - as well as HarleyzGirl - who I might have learned a thing or two about great angst. LOL Thanks to everyone how read, reviewed, alerted, fav'd and PM'd me abou this. You guys are just unbelievable. Also, because I always forget to say it, hugh thanks to my beta LoveForPenandDerek, who is doing a fabolous job._

* * *

After Penelope went to the window to check for herself that they really were snowed in, she had to admit defeat. They really had to spend the night. Something that would have excited her probably a good few months ago immensely but now- with all what had happened between them and all the tension still between them- Penelope felt more like crying over the prospect.

From behind her Morgan joked "Did you think I was just telling you that we are snowed in for the fun of it?"

"Apparently I don't know you at all, as it turns out. So what do I know what you do or don't do?" she asked, and it hurt even herself the moment she said it.

She saw Morgan reaching for his cell, wondering what he had planned _now_.

"Damn, no signal," she heard coming from him, putting the phone back down.

"You worried I might do something to you?" she joked and it was the first joke coming from her since months.

"I thought when we are snowed in, we should at least let Hotch know. So that he doesn't wonder where the hell we left off to," Penelope heard him explain, seeing him walk over to the phone from the house. Picking it up, he hung up again within moments.

"The line's dead as well," he said with a groan.

Penelope walked to the hallway, trying the light switches, with no luck.

"No electricity either," she let him know, before walking back to him.

"So let's see… no phone, no reception for the cells, no electricity. Keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?" he asked sarcastically.

"Let me get my phone," Penelope said, before leaving the room and going to get her handbag in the hallway.

"Oh, so you think that _you_ will have reception?"

No answer, and while he heard her rummaging in the hallway, in search for the handbag, Morgan decided to inspect the kitchen, in search for things they could use in a situation like _this_.

The outcome of his search was not bad, candles, matches and plenty of food. In one of the cabinet's he found blankets and some pillows a well. They should be set for the night.

He decided on lighting the candles to get some light in the room, and put the blankets on one of the couches, the food remained in the kitchen for now.

When he saw Penelope finally coming back, she looked less than impressed.

"So we don't talk, but you somehow think seducing me will solve the situation?" she asked, sounding still mad.

"Sex is the answer to most problems. If people would have more sex they wouldn't even find the time for creating most of the problems they seem to have," he smiled at her and that got him a small smile from her in response. At least a start.

Morgan went on to explain "We needed some light, since the electricity is off, and candles were the best I could find."

Penelope moved slowly towards the couch and sat down.

"This promises to be an interesting night," she said, burying her face in her hands.

CMCMCMCMCM

_Meanwhile over at the PD station_

"Okay, I don't understand what is taking them so long? I mean didn't they leave like several hours ago?" Emily wondered.

"Well, look outside," Rossi cut in, pointing towards one of the windows. "It is snowing like there is no tomorrow. And that's been going on for hours. My guess is that most of the roads by now are probably a risk to drive on."

"You are probably right. But shouldn't they at least call?" Emily went on.

"You worried?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah, worried that they are going to kill each other. I mean … come on, have you seen how these two were around each other over the last couple of months?"

"Why do you think I send him with her, Prentiss?" Hotch said, seeing Emily's expression.

"So you planned all that?"

"Well, we needed to get the data from the Unsub's computer. And the weather channel indicated how the weather could change last minute. So … I was prepared for it to happen. Yes," Hotch explained, and for a moment Emily thought she saw a smile on his lips.

"So why haven't they called then yet?"

"Maybe they are just busy with … other things."

CMCMCMCMCMCCMC

Despite the earlier jokes from Morgan the tension between them was still visible and getting awkward again. He started getting really frustrated with her. Okay, she had reason to be mad and pissed at him, but for such a long time? It somehow started getting ridiculous.

"I'm sorry, P," he finally started. After all they had a whole night to get through and God knows when he would get another chance like this to get it out in the open.

He saw her looking up for a moment, looking at his face and thinking about a reply, but remained silent.

Morgan continued "I didn't mean to hurt you, never."

"But you did. From all the people that I have around me all day long, I could always count on you telling me the things how they were. Not trying to tiptoe around me. So when I had to find out you lied to me, about someone or something like that it hurt me badly, Derek," she answered, using his first name, something she rarely ever did.

"I'm sorry," he said once again, not knowing what else to say.

"For the six years I've known you there have never been secrets between us, no lies, nothing of that. What made you think you had to lie to me that day? Telling me that you were not involved with her, that you weren't seeing her? Why did you suddenly decide I'm not worth the truth anymore? You thought I would have been mad at you? That I might have not understood? Maybe you might have been right, but then you should have just told me to back off, leave it alone and that it wouldn't be my business. It might have hurt as well, but not as badly as experiencing you lying to me, and therefore not trusting me anymore with whatever you have going on…"

It took him a moment to realize what she was saying. She felt not only bad because he lied to her, but also because it made her feel as if he didn't trust her anymore, like she did something to lose his trust.

All this for what? He was close to losing his friend for what exactly? To be with someone who wasn't even worth the time?

Penelope added "I hope it's worth it."

When had she started reading his mind? He had to admit the truth then and hope it helped. "I … I ended it a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't working any longer," he confessed.

"Told you so," Penelope responded within seconds, wanting to hit herself the moment it was out. Okay he had hurt her, but she also had seen him a couple of weeks ago, when he looked like someone had kicked his puppy. She assumed now that this was probably the first day after the break-up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to …."

"No, you are alright. You have all the right in the world to say it too. After all you were right. You said, you are either in it with all you've got, or stay out of it. I guess I couldn't give her enough of … whatever she needed," he explained, knowing very well that he gave her everything and the reason they ended was actually sitting across from him.

"Well, a relationship can only work if both are committed to it. Maybe it wasn't your entire fault. And sometimes things are just not meant to be," she argued.

"So, I lost you over her. I guess in the end it wasn't worth it. No."

"You didn't lose me, well not yet at least," Penelope assured him, a tiny smile displaying on her lips.

"I damaged what we had going on. And I am sorry for it, P. I never wanted to lie to you, or make you feel not worth my trust or unworthy in general. You are my best friend, have been right from the start when I met you first. I told you things I haven't told anyone before and when you had to dig into my past, in order for the team to clear me, you haven't change the way you treated me, when you found out all the things that happened. I never thought that one lie by me could make all of our friendship fall down so easily. But sometimes that's all it takes…"

Penelope remained silent at that, not sure what to say, and if she was even expected to respond to it to begin with.

He continued "I want us to go back to the origins. To how we used to be, with all the lightness and fun and just be how it used to treat each other."

Penelope understood that with this statement he put an unspoken question between them, hoping for her to answer it. He wanted a fresh start, leave all that behind them, hoping she would agree to it as well.

"I … want that as well. I want us to be like we used to be but I don't know if it is that easy. I mean the trust issues are still there and probably will be for quite some time. It's not as if I can just turn that off and I know it probably seems stupid, especially since people lie to each other for a lot more and don't react in near the way that I have."

She stopped for a moment, thinking of what to say next.

Penelope went on "It isn't just that I was angry. I was also disappointed. Of all the people, you were there to always tell it to me straight. If I asked you something I could count on you telling me the truth and what you thought. When I went out on a date and asked your opinion on something I wore, you would tell me flat out whether it sucked or not, whether it was too much, or could need a bit more sex appeal. You talked to me about everything, and I could always be sure that whatever you told me, it was what you thought and the truth. Now, well, now I am not sure anymore that whatever you will tell me will be the truth. I know it is silly, seeing how minor the lie had been, and how little effect it had on anything, but still. I always imagined that if you would have to lie to me, you would pick something big, important, and necessary. This was none of those things."

"Sweetheart, nothing with you is ever silly. It might be in general and in the bigger picture a smaller issue, but it is big enough for you and me. And I'm sorry I disappointed you. That was never my intention. I never wanted you to feel the way you obviously did. I just … everyone always tells me what to do, and how to do it. That day, when you came to me, telling me you wanted me to stay away from her, I just ... snapped. I wanted people to see that I am able to make decisions on my own. Okay, in retrospective, it was not a good decision, but I wanted to do it and I didn't need anyone to step in and tell me why it was good or bad. I just wanted to … to do it," he admitted and he looked at Penelope. He didn't want to hurt her more with what he said, wanted her to understand why he did what he did. He never meant to lie to her, but it seemed so simple in that moment, to get everyone off his back.

He could see that moment, that she clearly hadn't forgiven him yet, but they were on the right track.

For the rest of the night, they talked, and did nothing else. He wanted to have the air cleared between the two of them before they would get back to the outside world and he might not have another chance.

He told her about Tamara and the relationship, told her how he felt for the past couple of weeks. It felt so good for him, to finally be able to talk to her again, tell her about all that has been going on and he was dying to tell before but hadn't been able to.

At some point during the night her head ended up on his shoulders, with her being asleep. One look at her and he knew, they were okay again, but still far away from how things used to be. But he would make sure that things _would_ return to how they were.

* * *

_A/N: Everyone who goes now 'WHAT?' I decided that when I wrote the story it would be best to make a clean cut between the drama they encounter as friends - and fix - and the drama - and no worries it is not as bad as this - they will have to face when getting on the road to a relationship. I somehow doubted it would work to well to just continue right after this with the next chapter that starts with them realizing a thing or two =) So that will actually be a whole new story, or at least posted as such._

**A/N 2: HUGH THANKS to d-kronk – who I would love to reply to the many reviews, but who has disabled the option of me sending a message. THANK YOU SO MUCH: YOU ROCK!**


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